Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Face-to-face With A Faceful of Collagen

On Saturday Eliza and I went shopping at Pacific Centre and encountered our very first collagen-injection victim. It was a scary, scary sight to behold.

It took us by surprise, really. Our elevator mistakenly went up to street level at Pacific Centre rather than down to the parkade. A woman who had most likely emerged from Holt Renfrew stepped in, a tad startled to see us.

"Why did you come up instead of down?" she asked, puzzled.

I thought there was something odd about her face, but I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. I tried not to stare at her while the elevator made its way down, picking up some others on the floor we just came from. The first impression that came to mind was: high-maintenance lady. She just had that.... high-maintenance look about her.

I took a glimpse at Eliza, who was looking down. I snuck in a sidelong glance at the woman's mouth. It was puffy, inflated to the point where it was smooth and swollen at the edges instead of gathered (for lack of a better word), with tiny lines. When she spoke, she looked strange. I thought her speech was affected. Then it dawned on me.

Collagen injection! *violin screeches from a Grade B horror movie* Eeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!

Seriously, if someone who has NEVER seen the effects of a collagen injection can recognise it on sight, then it's probably TOO MUCH.

And if it looks like someone punched you in the mouth, it's TOO MUCH.

And if it affects your speech? It's TOO MUCH.

And if it makes other people in the elevator want to reach out and poke it to see if it squishes over to the other side? It's TOO MUCH.

If you want people to look at your lips, then this is certainly one expensive way to do it.